12 March 2012

PROJECT X- Spoiler Review

Ohh, this fucking movie. Last week, I effectively Kirk-ed the Kobayashi Maru that was March 2nd at the megaplex, by simply not going to see any new movies that weekend, for the first time in years. Eventually I had to bite the bullet, and in hindsight, I don't believe that it's possible for This Means War or Wanderlust to be any worse than Project X. Just to flag it up in advance, this review is going to contain SPOILERS, but come the fuck on- there's no real plot to spoil in this thing.

The film has been billed as a production by Todd Phillips, the mind behind The Hangover and its sequel, and it largely follows the same mad-lib character structure as those films, but with junior characters instead of grown men. There's a nebbish kid, a brash and over-confident kid, a fat, stupid kid and a non-entity who's left holding the camera, seeing as how this is a found footage film. This bold expansion of the form finds this bunch of bumboxes throwing a house party that goes badly wrong. Everyone seems to enjoy themselves anyway.

Project X is loosely based on the story of Corey Worthington Delaney, a Lad from Australia who threw a chaotic party, causing massive property damage, and became a kind of pathetic celebrity afterwards. I use the term "Lad", because I believe that's their preferred nomenclature, rather than "cunt", or "twat", or "twunt", or "societal tumour." If you're not familiar, that's now the indulgence by which white males of any age can act like total knobheads, get so drunk that they can't breathe or control their bowels, and generally act like an immature, sexist, racist anti-social tosspot, because it's in the name of good banter. I'm sure further research is needed, but my impartial definition should give you the right idea.

I say "loosely", because aside from a hi-larious reference to the aforementioned Lad in the end credits, the whole film lets anything resembling a central conceit just hang around its ankles and drag behind it. It fails to preserve the facade of found-footage within the first five minutes, so just forget about that, but even worse, it fails to be funny. It staggers me that some grown-ups won't be able to tell the difference between this and Superbad or The Inbetweeners Movie, both of which were well-written and executed teen movies with likeable characters and something resembling a plot.

By absolute contrast, Project X gives us a bunch of sub-humans who are only recognisable in relation to the Phillips Wolf Pack mold, and takes 87 minutes of repetitive, obnoxious and extremely ugly foolishness to teach them absolutely nothing. It's basically a more juvenile version of what The Hangover does, but considering that this actually has a higher 18 certificate, that's completely pointless. Indeed, Project X is only really suitable for teenagers who are on tenterhooks, waiting for their first beer, or their first sight of a bare booby. Charles Gant put it best, by saying that if you're old enough to see this film, you're too mature for it.

The one positive thing I can glean from Project X is that the action of the film's massively party is extraordinarily well choreographed. Of course, this is largely negated by the fact that most of the film is shot by people who acted in the film, with cameras of various different qualities, rather than anyone who necessarily knows anything about cinematography. On top of that, it's not only thoroughly heinous, but highly repetitive. Perhaps this is how it manages to be offensive to pretty much everyone but entitled white teenagers. It fucking stinks, is what I'm saying.

Project X is now showing in cinemas nationwide.
If you've seen Project X, why not share your comments below?

I'm Mark the mad prophet, and until next time, don't watch anything I wouldn't watch.

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